Its ok to ask for help…just do it thoughtfully

We’ve all been there: you are doing your work and you get stuck and need help.  But knowing you need help and asking for it are two different things; you might be worried about bothering your coworkers or concerned about asking an obvious question.

Many professionals–across industries and job levels–have anxiety in asking for help. People I’ve worked with have voiced concerns ranging from making oneself vulnerable to others’ judgments or coming across as incompetent or lazy.

Asking for help can be tougher than it seems and can feel weird. But there is a better way to do it.  

First, recognize that most folks want to help others.  Don’t think so?  Spend 13 minutes with Amanda Palmer and her TedTalk on the art of asking, and you may change your mind. 

Secondly, make sure you are asking about something you don’t know and can’t learn by yourself.  Why?  Because asking for help on things you can learn by yourself (for example, with a Google search) runs the risk of people thinking, “oh come on….”  A good rule of thumb to know you are asking the right types of questions is to phrase them in terms of “what do I do next?” or “how do I do this?” (where there isn’t always a “right” or “wrong” answer — only “better” or “worse” approaches).

Next, find the right person at the right time.  Both of these two parts are key.  It's not only about who you ask but how and when you ask for help.  When it comes to figuring out the best “how” and “when,” put yourself in the other person’s shoes. When is the least disruptive time to approach this person? What is their preferred method of communication?

Once you have the question, the person, and the timing down, it's important to prove that you deserve the help.  This means coming to the conversation prepared for a thoughtful discussion and giving others something to react to, rather than posing an open-ended question such as “What do I do next?”  You should make it as easy as possible for someone to help you. 

Lastly, show appreciation. Don’t forget to acknowledge and thank the person who spent the time to help you.  In a world where people are often on to the next task, meeting, or deadline, be different and take the time to show and share your gratitude. 

In the end, asking for help is only partly about getting help. It’s also growing by learning more about yourself, understanding others, and showing them that you are someone they want to help.