How to deal with meanies at work. You aren’t powerless. . . .

When it comes to bad behavior at work, there’s a broad spectrum– with pure bullies on one end and people who are simply rude on the other.  

You may not know which end of the spectrum you’re dealing with until you actually address the behavior. If it’s a bully, it will be impossible to get the person to change.  

The good news is you can take action. You have a solution, and you’re not powerless.  Here are four things you can do:

Assess the situation to understand the “why.”  Most people act out when they feel threatened, their reaction is actually fear motivated.  In fact, your own skill, position and likeability may be a frequent target by “meanies” precisely because you pose a threat to them.  It may help to stroke the aggressor’s ego in gracious ways: by complementing or offering them gratitude for their involvement in an authentic way. 

Look honestly at the situation and yourself.  This has two parts to it.  On one hand, it’s important for you to be honest and aware of how you might be contributing to the situation. For example, are you in a company culture that is highly competitive or doesn't prioritize politeness?  You may find that you are swimming against a current you can’t really fight.  But on the other hand, it's important to be aware of when it’s not your fault and ensure you are not being treated like a doormat.

Stand up for yourself.  Don't be afraid to call out bad behavior when it happens; making an immediate response is key.  If you are uncomfortable doing it in public, do so privately as soon as possible after the incident. There are great ways to convey the message: “don't mess with me; it won't be worth your effort.”

Be realistic.  Recognize that bullies and “meanies” probably won’t change.  And in all fairness, you might have to work alongside toxic people throughout your entire career. You can't change them, so it's up to you to decide how you're going to deal with them and move past them.  It will be up to you to keep the “meanies” at arm’s length: distance yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. 

…so it may also be helpful to keep in mind what Stanford University professor and bestselling author Robert Sutton said, who’s devoted years to the study of mean employees. “Practicing the fine art of not giving a s--t about people who mistreat you,” he writes, “can save your sanity, shield your physical health and keep you from hurting the people you love.”